jason

Hey there everybody. Has anybody noticed a lack of up-to-date blogging from certain members of the community.
Now I wish I didn't have to do this but I feel I must rouse my fellow blogging compatriots with a speech, stirring by nature. The following is a representation of my passionate rage.

Where is the mouse and keyboard.
Where is the witty metaphor.
Once they flew proudly through Intertubes
Now reduced to blank pages
Lying bloodied and bruised by the side of the road
Next to pop-culture references gone awry
And misguided Ironic race humour.
But now I call to you
Rise now!
Rise, and swiftly portray daily occurences
And funny observations in 5 paragraphs or less.
Let the world hear your faint cry over the whirring of gaming consoles and Final Fantasy theme music.
This is my final Plea.

Now if that doesn't inspire certain unnamed family members/ bandmates I don't know what will.

-Jason

Please friends, don't drink Monster Energy drinks. I just consumed one of the beasts and I honestly think my heart may stop. This thing was 16 fluid ounces with a grand total of, so I'm told, 3000 mg of caffeine when all is said and done. That is astronomical. If someone could confirm or deny that I would be frightened/relieved.

Either way I sorta feel like a hamster that did a big ol' bag of cocaine and everyone around is all saying "hey check it out, that hamster just snorted a big ol' bag of cocaine. I think it's going to die".

What the hell is in these things?
Ya wanna know?
I'll tell you. Something called Panax Ginseng, and something else called Taurine. Oh yeah and about13 different kinds of sugar.

Now I haven't really done any research and I don't really know anything about these compounds, but here's my opinion.

When Magellan rode his unicorn over the ancient mount Panax, and gently landed in the mystical town of Taurine, the iron clad hooves of Questfeather (The Unicorn) crushed the tiny houses of the unsuspecting Taurineans. When it was all over, blood dripping from the fangs of both horse and rider, they took the spoils of victory (panax ginseng harvested from the northern face of the Great Mountain and the coveted but dangerous Taurine root).

Magellan managed to create a drink from these items which was somehow kept out of the hands of the public until the year 2002 when it began to palpitate young hearts and shake young hands alike.

That's how it happened. If any reps from Monster are interested in purchasing that story they can contact me as it pleases them.
jitterily yours
Jason

oh yeah, they make you sweat too.

So my whole life I've thought that I was short. If you look at the pictures on the website you can see that my brother David and I look more like Danny Devito and Arnold in the movie "Twins" than Siblings.

However, upon further investigation I have found I am actually of normal stature. In fact if I lived in, say, Malta. I would tower over them as their king.
It just so happens that I have somehow become a part of a guild of freakish giants known as Winnipeg Band Members (WBM).
In a strange turn of events I have become their midget God, shielding myself from the sun in their monstrous shadows as they swing sticks at drums, and extend mic stands to atmospheric heights. Be not fooled Winnipegers. The seemingly "cool" swaying of lead singers in our city is simply done to keep up with their precarious gear. Gear that looks more like a Jenga tower at the end of a good game than a mic stand.

But that's all beside the point. More than anything this is a lesson on perspective, and relativity.
For example, from my perspective I am of relatively average height. That is all.

Tune in next week when I talk about how I think that just because my feet are inordinately soft, it doesn't make them girly.

Averagely yours,
Jason